WASHINGTON, DC — According to sources in the White House, President Biden has been given his very own Weeble-Wobble to help keep him occupied and upright in the months leading up to November's election.

NEW YORK, NY — Prosecutors in the trial against former president Donald Trump offered star witness Michael Cohen $130,000 if he would keep his big mouth shut for a while.

U.S. — Unsealed documents from the Department of Justice reveal that postal workers were formally authorized to use deadly force while delivering mail to Mar-a-Lago.

TEHRAN — Following the death of one of its prominent national leaders, the Iran government confirmed today that they are interviewing several new bearded genocidal psychopaths to replace its deceased president.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As controversy continued to swirl around Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez demanded to know where Alito bought an upside-down U.S. flag.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden appeared visibly overwhelmed Thursday during an impromptu on-the-record press gaggle until he noticed the answer to a reporter's completely spontaneous, definitely unplanned-in-advance question was pre-written on his note card.

The jury reached verdict on Thursday in Donald Trump’s NYC criminal trial over his alleged hush-money payments to Stormy Daniels. Follow the Post’s live updates for the latest news, reactions, anal…