WASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite pouring massive amounts of taxpayer funding into green energy initiatives, a new report has revealed that $7.5 billion in government EV charger spending has purchased one 4-pack of Energizer AA batteries.

ST. PETERSBURG, FL - In another incident of shocking homophobia leading up to pride month, a hate-filled straight white airline pilot has been convicted of leaving contrails across a rainbow, one of the most sacred symbols of the LGBTJFKLMNOP+/- Movement.

OLD WESTBURY, NY — Sources close to the Ellington household claim that Kael Ellington, a recent graduate from Columbia University who majored in Gender Studies and Post-Colonial Deconstructionist Performance Art, is currently trying to find just the right spot to hang his first framed unemployment check.