SAN FERNANDO, CA — The Gomez family is back on the market for a new church after learning their home church was full of sinners.

The first flight transporting illegal aliens who voluntarily opted to self deport under the Trump administration's new U.S. Department of Homeland Security (DHS) initiative—offering complimentary airfare and a $1,000 stipend—have arrived in Honduras.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Just days after a catastrophic incident involving a sailing vessel belonging to the Mexican navy, President Donald Trump held a press conference to declare war on Mexico for its flagrant attack on the Brooklyn Bridge.