OXFORD — Citing newly discovered evidence and a reinterpretation of some of the earliest available Hebrew texts, leading biblical scholars now believe Noah made over 977 trips to Home Depot during the ark's construction.

CALGARY — A Canadian man's family reluctantly began the process of making funeral preparations, as he was too polite to tell his doctor that he didn't want to be euthanized.

PALO ALTO, CA — One of Big Tech's biggest names was left searching for an explanation, as Meta founder Mark Zuckerberg was locked out of his X account after the social media platform's bot purge.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden threatened to end U.S. aid to Israel unless the IDF complies with a new demand to fight the rest of the war against Gaza armed with only Nerf guns.