RAFAH — Hamas has issued a statement of thanks to American university students for their unwavering support over the past few weeks, promising that, in return, the deaths of university students in the coming global intifada would be relatively quick and painless.

BOSTON, MA — A frantic Harvard student realized this week he'd been so busy harassing Jewish students on campus that he'd forgotten to write his final term paper on the importance of inclusion.

TUSTIN, CA — A powerful movement of the Holy Spirit was felt in the souls of a pair of believers this past week, as a local couple felt led to join a church with free childcare, a movie theater, and a day spa.

U.S. — According to sources, college students have illegally occupied public spaces across the country to protest what they believe is Israel's illegal occupation of Palestine.

It's the dawn of a new era in women's athletics, as they are now open to dudes! While the playing field may seem tilted unfairly, there are some foolproof tactics women can use to make things more even.

Pro-Israel groups are continuing to ramp up efforts to target incumbent progressives who have criticized both Israel’s military action in Gaza.

NEW YORK, NY — A corporate recruiter from Corptech Solutions Inc. arrived at Columbia University this morning to look for promising Ivy League graduates who are also entitled, antisemitic communists with at least $200k in student debt.