NEW YORK, NY — In a dramatic entrance that left onlookers both baffled and concerned for their immediate safety, Congresswoman Ilhan Omar descended from the skies above the Columbia University campus via paraglider, ready to lead the charge in the latest round of protests.

ELAH VALLEY — A young boy named David has found himself under intense scrutiny and condemnation for his alleged violence against a kindly Palestinian giant named Goliath. Those critical of the young boy's action call this yet another tragic case of disproportionate force and cultural insensitivity.

LOS ANGELES, CA — After fear of banana allergies caused communist pro-Palestine protestors at UCLA to scatter, the nation reported feeling slightly less worried about an eventual communist takeover of America.