ELAH VALLEY — A young boy named David has found himself under intense scrutiny and condemnation for his alleged violence against a kindly Palestinian giant named Goliath. Those critical of the young boy's action call this yet another tragic case of disproportionate force and cultural insensitivity.

LOS ANGELES, CA — After fear of banana allergies caused communist pro-Palestine protestors at UCLA to scatter, the nation reported feeling slightly less worried about an eventual communist takeover of America.