U.S. — A new wave of controversy erupted as 12 women came forward alleging they had been sexually assaulted by whoever Trump's vice presidential pick would end up being.

XINJIANG, CHINA — Thanks to the recent uptick in awareness of worldwide injustices and inequalities, Uighur slaves are struggling to keep up with the demand for more Palestinian headscarves.

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — In a show of support for anti-Israel protests on college campuses and other places across the country, retail giant Target unveiled a new line of Hamas intifada wear for children.

IRVING, TX — In a step toward greater inclusion, The Boy Scouts Of America announced this week that it will be just going by "Of" from here on out.

NEW YORK, NY — In a heartwarming outreach to African Americans, New York Governor Kathy Hochul visited a Bronx elementary school to bring the miracle of white man's fire to the Black community.

Much has been made about the Boy Scouts of America changing its name to "Scouting America" to promote greater inclusivity, but few people have heard about all the cool new merit badges scouts can now earn!

U.S. — Following the revelation that a deadly parasite was once removed from his skull, political experts were shocked to learn that the dead worm found in Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.'s brain was already polling higher than Joe Biden in 11 states.

U.S. — New research has discovered that women will throw their support behind any cause, no matter how violent and sexist, as long as they get to wear a scarf.

MALMO — People around the world sounded a celebratory cry this week, as having completed her quest to solve climate change, Greta Thunberg turned her attention to achieving peace in the Middle East.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — At a press conference held at the White House today, a keffiyeh-wearing President Joe Biden pushed back against accusations that he has sided with Hamas in its ongoing conflict with Israel.