... or murdered in the womb, or imprisoned in Russia (unless black and lesbian), or unable to afford groceries because of inflation, or denied entry to campus because of being Jewish, or confronted by a drag queen in the library children's section, or abused by gender surgeons, or devastated from a massive chemical spill, or denied a track scholarship because a man said he was a girl, or killed by violent felons being released without charges, or leered at by a member of the opposite sex in a locker room, or murdered by a mentally ill man on the subway, or crushed by taxes to pay off other people's student loans, or harmed by the COVID vaccine, or killed accidentally by a drone, or denied jobs for refusing to adopt radical gender ideology, or condemned as a Nazi for disagreeing with the government, or couldn't afford gasoline, or destroyed by neo-Marxist indoctrination at public school.

ISRAEL — In a statement completely unrelated to anything currently in the news, the Jews announced that they have developed a terraforming machine that can, say, quickly build a mountain in front of a flying helicopter.

TEHRAN, IRAN — According to official sources in the Iranian government, the masses of Iranian citizens singing, dancing, and setting off firecrackers in the streets during the five-day public grieving period following the death of former President Ebrahim Raisi are "going through part of the mourning process."

DETROIT — While delivering a speech at a local campaign event, President Joseph R. Biden thanked Iranian President Ebrahim Raisi for coming despite the fact he is now dead.

“They should have been sequestered because in my opinion these jurors are handling something that is completely unprecedented and unwarranted in America," Habba said.

Former President Donald Trump has reportedly added Sen. Tom Cotton to his short list of potential running mates.

Democratic strategist James Carville said on the Politicon podcast that Democrats are losing younger voters and black voters because they were ignoring the economy. | Clips

Officials at Alaska’s famed Denali National Park are in hot water after allegedly telling construction crews at the park not to fly the American flag.