INDIANAPOLIS, IN — Referees in last Saturday's WNBA game between the Indiana Fever and the Chicago Sky at Gainbridge Fieldhouse ruled that there was in fact no foul after Sky guard Chennedy Carter dropped an anvil on Caitlin Clark, who is popularly considered one of the greatest women's collegiate players of all time.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With his re-election campaign falling behind his opponent in fundraising, and after seeing how much money Donald Trump raised over the weekend, President Joe Biden called up New York District Attorney Alvin Bragg to ask if he could get charged with a felony or two.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a fiery hearing on Capitol Hill today, a visibly angry Dr. Fauci demanded Congressmen questioning him address him by his proper title: "The Science."