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- https://babylonbee.com/news/down-to-his-last-option-obama-invites-biden-paddle-boarding?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMHaving Exhausted All Other Options, Obama Invites Biden Paddle BoardingMARTHA'S VINEYARD, MA — Following President Biden's repeated refusals to back out of the presidential race, former President Barack Obama has reportedly invited Biden out for a nice quiet afternoon of paddleboarding.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/janet-yellen-reassures-nation-that-bidens-dementia-is-transitory?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMJanet Yellen Reassures Nation That Biden’s Dementia Is TransitoryWASHINGTON, D.C. — U.S. Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen stepped forward on Tuesday to assure the American people that President Joe Biden's dementia is only a transitory issue that will likely resolve itself as election-related bottlenecks begin to clear.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/oh-no-biden-starting-to-turn-blue-after-aides-forgot-to-include-his-remember-to-breathe-card?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMOh No! Biden Starting To Turn Blue After Aides Forgot To Include His ‘Remember To Breathe’ CardWASHINGTON D.C. — Panic erupted today at a press conference when President Biden turned an alarming shade of blue after handlers accidentally left out the "remember to breathe" card from his instruction packet.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-aides-picking-between-angry-shouting-pills-and-calm-creepy-whisper-pills?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMBiden Aides Busy Picking Between 'Angry Shouting' Pills And 'Calm Creepy Whisper' PillsWASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources, White House aides are in a terrible situation where they constantly have to pick between "angry shouting" pills and "calm creepy whisper" pills for President Biden.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-will-imprison-his-political-opponents-says-guy-imprisoning-his-political-opponents?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COM‘Trump Will Imprison His Political Opponents!’ Says Guy Imprisoning His Political OpponentsRALEIGH, NC — At a rally following a disastrous debate performance, a guy who has spent the last few years imprisoning his political opponents warned the crowd that if Donald Trump is elected, he will imprison his political opponents.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/liberal-in-private-jet-upset-as-he-looks-down-and-sees-all-the-cows-causing-climate-change?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMLiberal In Private Jet Upset As He Looks Down And Sees All The Cows Causing Climate ChangeMARTHA'S VINEYARD, MA — Several members of the household staff of Gerald C. Pennyworth IV report that their employer, a white liberal, was recently rendered "extremely put-out" after he chanced to look out the window of his private jet and saw a number of cows causing climate change.
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- https://babylonbee.com/news/supreme-court-votes-6-3-that-biden-never-had-a-six-handicap?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMSupreme Court Votes 6-3 That Biden Never Had a Six HandicapWASHINGTON, D.C. — In another landmark decision, the Supreme Court of the United States has just voted 6-3 that President Biden never had a six handicap.
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