MIDDLE EAST — The region rejoiced and the world marvelled as peace broke out in the Middle East and lasted a record 27 minutes.

President Donald Trump slammed Democrat Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez after she called for his impeachment over his decision to strike Iranian nuclear facilities.

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Karmelo Anthony was indicted for murder by a grand jury in the fatal stabbing of 16-year-old track star Austin Metcalf.

“His leadership at this moment exemplifies the very ideals that the Nobel Peace Prize seeks to recognize: the pursuit of peace, the prevention of war, and the advancement of international harmony.”