To everyone who received a book from me for Christmas:
They're due back at the library on Friday. Thank You.

As a kid, I used to watch the Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn't have a brain. Then I got social media.

Anyone else reached that age where you gain weight if you breathe?

Some call it multi-tasking. I call it doing something else while I try to remember what I was doing in the first place.

I've expanded my skills. I can now forget what I'm doing while I'm actually doing it.

They say we can have gatherings with up to eight people without issues. I don't even know eight people without issues.

Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters.
Nine horrible, worthless, baconless years ....

I still have a full deck, I just shuffle slower.