LOS ANGELES, CA — Reports from the historic Zoom call "White Women: Answer the Call" for Kamala Harris indicate that black men all across America were listening intently, waiting for liberal white women to instruct them on who to vote for.

ATLANTA, GA — In an unusual choice of wardrobe, Vice President Kamala Harris arrived to address a mostly black crowd in Atlanta wearing a do-rag and sporting a massive, golden dollar-sign necklace.

PARIS — Algerian boxer Imane Khelif made history this week by becoming the first-ever Olympian to win the gold medal in the new Freestyle Domestic Violence event.

WASHINGTON D.C. — In a historic meeting today former Democrat presidential nominee Hillary Clinton met with current presidential nominee Kamala Harris to work on improving Harris's black accent.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a notable development in a case that has spanned over two decades, the mastermind behind the 9/11 terrorist attacks was given a plea deal after the FBI confirmed that he was not present at the U.S. Capitol on January 6.

PARIS — Italian woman Angela Carini tearfully assured reporters yesterday that "everything is fine, except that I fell down some stairs" while responding to questions on her recent loss to male boxer Imane Khelif in the Olympics.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the 2024 presidential race makes its turn into the final stretch, the White House assured journalists that they would only have to pretend Kamala Harris is likable for a couple more months.