SACRAMENTO, CA — An inspiring story emerged amid the ongoing immigration controversy, as Governor Gavin Newsom founded an Underground Railroad to help Mexican kids travel to work on California's marijuana farms.
ORLANDO, FL — What began as a normal day at the Magic Kingdom descended into a near-riot atmosphere, as — due to a malfunction — The Hall of Presidents' animatronic Donald Trump kept rounding up all of the Mexican guests and attempting to deport them from Disney World.
FROM THE BEE
Bondi Explains She Was Going To Release The Epstein Files But Then Some Pedophiles Asked Her Not To
https://babylonbee.com/news/bondi-explains-she-was-going-to-release-the-epstein-files-but-then-some-pedophiles-asked-her-not-to
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Attorney General Pam Bondi explained today that she was really going to release all of the Epstein files, but some pedophiles asked her to please not.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that experts said could finally resolve the deficit crisis once and for all, congressional Republicans unveiled a new debt plan to transfer the balance to a Capital One credit card with a 0% intro APR.
SACRAMENTO, CA — As the federal government takes steps to attempt to solve a myriad of problems facing the Golden State, a furious Governor Gavin Newsom told reporters he won't stand silently by while Trump fixes California.
TEHRAN — Sources close to the regime reported that Iranian President Masoud Pezeshkian expressed worry during his highly publicized X interview that this Tucker Carlson guy might be a little extreme.
HELL — A wailing, screeching sound was heard from the Devil's office today following the defunding of Planned Parenthood by the United States Government.
Babylon Bee - Ford Debuts World’s First Autonomous Car To Leave Factory And Drive Straight To Shop For Repairs:
https://babylonbee.com/news/ford-debuts-worlds-first-autonomous-car-to-leave-factory-and-drive-straight-to-shop-for-repairs
#FordMotorCompany #FMC #QualityAssurance #BuildQuality #QualityIsJob1 #Quality #Recall #Defects #CarRepair #AutonomousCar #ArtificialIntelligence #AI #AutomotiveEngineering #Humor
DEARBORN, MI — The Ford Motor Company made history once again with its recent debut of the world's first autonomous car to leave the factory and drive straight to the shop for repairs.
ATLANTA, GA — Locals have begun questioning the authenticity of purported Mexican restaurant "El Bandido" as ICE has yet to raid the restaurant a single time.
TEHRAN — Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini declared a resounding victory over the United States and Israel after Iran destroyed 14 American bunker buster bombs with its nuclear facilities.
We at the Babylon Bee have seen the rage and consternation caused by some of our jokes this week. In order to help everyone take a deep breath and relax, we are simply posting this picture of a bagel that no one could possibly argue about.
TEHRAN — The Islamic Republic of Iran addressed concerns over the recent acquisition of a brand new ballistic missile called the "Jew Smasher 3000" with a spokesman for the regime insisting that the missile is intended to be used for only peaceful purposes.
Any founding document written in the 1700s could use a little updating, no? Yes, there may have been amendments over the years, but not nearly as many as the country needs.
BOULDER, CO — Sources closest to 40-year-old Jay Brennan reported that the local dad was physically unable to drive by cows without saying, "Hey, kids, look — cows."
LOS ANGELES, CA — Mass protests over the federal government's crackdown on illegal immigration received a touch of Latino flavor over the weekend, as one Mexican rioter added a lime wedge to his Molotov cocktail.
The world watched in horror yesterday as the friendship between President Donald Trump and Elon Musk was torn asunder, but it doesn't have to be this way. There is still hope that the two titans can make amends.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of a growing outcry over Trump's immigration policy, Democrats warned that deporting an illegal terrorist family could be a slippery slope to deporting other illegal terrorist families.
Babylon Bee - Republicans Unveil New Plan To Fix National Debt Sometime After The Return Of Christ:
https://babylonbee.com/news/republicans-unveil-new-plan-for-federal-debt-wait-for-the-second-coming-and-the-world-to-be-ended-in-fire
#BigBeautifulBill #ProfligateSpending #StopTheSpending #FederalBudget #NationalDebt #DebtCrisis #Debt #Inflation #EndTheFed #EndOfTime #BabylonBee #Finance #Humor
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Republican lawmakers unveiled a bold new plan for the federal budget: to forgo paying down the national debt in favor of waiting for the second coming of Christ and the world to be ended in fire.