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- https://babylonbee.com/news/nation-actually-pretty-impressed-that-biden-lived-through-all-4-years-of-presidency/BABYLONBEE.COMNation Actually Pretty Impressed That Biden Lived Through All 4 Years Of PresidencyU.S. — As Joe Biden's term came to a close, Americans across the country admitted that they were actually pretty impressed that Biden managed to live through all four years of his presidency.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/cleaning-crew-arrives-at-white-house-to-get-rid-of-old-man-smell/BABYLONBEE.COMCleaning Crew Arrives At White House To Get Rid Of Old Man SmellWASHINGTON, D.C. — Just in time for the Trump administration to move in, a cleaning crew reportedly arrived at the White House to get rid of the old man smell.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/announcement-the-babylon-bee-to-shut-down-as-there-will-be-nothing-to-make-fun-of-during-the-perfect-trump-administration
- https://babylonbee.com/news/best-11-moments-of-bidens-presidencyBABYLONBEE.COMRemembering The Golden Years: Here Are The 11 Best Moments Of Biden’s PresidencyDo you all remember Joe Biden? Has there ever been a more memorable president besides, you know...the guy? No. No there has not been.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/to-improve-senate-confirmation-hearings-democratic-women-to-be-replaced-by-rabid-hyenasBABYLONBEE.COMIn Effort To Improve Senate Confirmation Hearings, Democrat Women Replaced By Rabid HyenasWASHINGTON, D.C. — In an attempt to elevate the level of discourse in Senate Confirmation hearings, all of the female Democratic Senators will be replaced with screaming, rabid hyenas.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/last-100-million-mexican-citizens-hurriedly-enter-us-during-bidens-final-week-in-officeBABYLONBEE.COMLast 100 Million Mexican Citizens Hurriedly Enter U.S. During Biden’s Final Week In OfficeU.S. — A final group of 100 million Mexican citizens are taking advantage of Biden's last week in office by hurriedly crossing the United States border before Trump has a chance to make their illegal entry illegal, according to new data released by the U.S. Customs and Border Protection agency.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/arsonist-arrested-for-using-gas-blowtorch-instead-of-electric-blowtorch-to-start-california-wildfire?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMCalifornia Police Arrest Arsonist For Using Gas Blowtorch Instead Of Electric BlowtorchLOS ANGELES, CA — As the devastation spread and the death toll continued to rise with firefighters working tirelessly to contain the blazes, a suspected arsonist was arrested for allegedly attempting to use a gas blowtorch instead of an electric blowtorch to start another California wildfire.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-up-all-night-figuring-out-what-else-he-can-screw-up-in-the-next-6-days/BABYLONBEE.COMBiden Desperately Searches For Anything Else He Can Screw Up In The Next 6 DaysWASHINGTON, D.C. — As he enters his last week as Commander in Chief of the United States, President Joe Biden was reportedly up all night wracking his brain to figure out what else he can screw up before his term ends.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/newsom-reassures-fire-victims-hell-be-prepared-next-time-now-that-he-knows-water-is-useful-in-fighting-firesBABYLONBEE.COMNewsom Reassures Fire Victims He’ll Be Prepared Next Time, Now That He Knows Water Is Useful In Fighting FiresSACRAMENTO, CA — As wildfires continued to spread destruction across large swathes of California, Governor Gavin Newsom reassured victims of the fires that he'll be more prepared next time now that he knows water is useful in fighting fires.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/awkward-mourners-at-jimmy-carter-funeral-place-flowers-on-bidenBABYLONBEE.COMAwkward: Mourners At Jimmy Carter Funeral Place Flowers On BidenWASHINGTON, D.C. — The solemnity of former President Jimmy Carter's funeral was slightly marred earlier this morning when a few confused mourners accidentally placed flowers on Biden.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-online-store-clearance-sale-presidential-medals-of-freedom-for-999?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMBiden Online Store Clearance Sale Now Offering Presidential Medals Of Freedom For $9.99WASHINGTON, D.C. — With only two weeks left before handing the reins of power over to the new administration, President Joe Biden's online store announced a special clearance sale that included Presidential Medals of Freedom for just $9.99.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/bill-nyes-medal-recalled-after-old-hate-speech-comes-to-light?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMBill Nye's Medal Revoked After Old Hate Speech Comes To LightWASHINGTON, D.C. — Bill Nye has just had his Presidential Medal of Freedom revoked after investigators unearthed an old hate speech in which the famous "Science Guy" claimed that a person's gender was determined by their chromosomes.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/trudeau-to-be-humanely-euthanized?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMTrudeau To Be Humanely EuthanizedOTTAWA — Amid growing public outcry across the country, the Canadian government announced that embattled Prime Minister Justin Trudeau would be humanely euthanized after his resignation.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/guy-who-said-facebook-was-not-suppressing-free-speech-announces-facebook-will-stop-suppressing-free-speechBABYLONBEE.COMGuy Who Said Facebook Was Not Suppressing Free Speech Announces Facebook Will Stop Suppressing Free SpeechPALO ALTO, CA — Social media users rejoiced today as in an initiative to fight back against censorship, the guy who said Facebook was not suppressing free speech announced that Facebook would stop suppressing free speech.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-issues-imminent-terrorist-threat-warning-due-to-the-eleven-terrorists-he-just-released-from-prisonBABYLONBEE.COMBiden Issues Imminent Terrorist Threat Warning Due To The 11 Terrorists He Just Released From PrisonWASHINGTON, D.C. — In a rare televised address from the Oval Office, President Biden warned the American public of an imminent terrorist threat as a result of his releasing eleven terrorists from prison.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/tesla-cybertruck-voted-worst-vehicle-by-national-association-of-terrorist-car-bombersBABYLONBEE.COMTesla Cybertruck Voted 'Worst Vehicle' By National Association Of Terrorist Car BombersU.S. — Following its poor performance in the attack outside the Trump Hotel in Las Vegas this week, the Tesla Cybertruck was unanimously voted Worst Vehicle by members of the National Association of Terrorist Car Bombers.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/fbi-turns-itself-in-for-jan-6-pipe-bomb-to-collect-500000-reward-from-fbi?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMFBI Turns Itself In For Planting Jan 6 Pipe Bomb To Collect $500,000 Reward From FBIWASHINGTON, D.C. — A Federal Bureau of Investigation spokesperson announced Friday that the bureau had turned itself in for the planting of pipe bomb explosives outside the U.S. Capitol Building on January 6 and collected the $500,000 reward from itself.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/fbi-baffled-terrorist-attack-occurred-as-they-imprisoned-all-jan-6-attendees?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMFBI Baffled Terrorist Attack Occurred As They Imprisoned All Jan 6 AttendeesU.S. — As the investigations continued into the deadly events of the new year, FBI agents were reportedly baffled that terrorist attacks could even occur as they had already imprisoned all of the January 6 attendees.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/white-house-insists-jimmy-carter-is-still-sharp-and-focused-behind-closed-doorsBABYLONBEE.COMWhite House Insists Jimmy Carter Is Still Sharp And Focused Behind Closed DoorsWASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite swirling rumors that his demise has negatively affected his cognitive abilities, White House officials insisted today that former President Jimmy Carter is still sharp and focused behind closed doors.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/the-babylon-bees-predictions-for-2025
- https://babylonbee.com/news/jimmy-carter-to-skip-trump-inaugurationBABYLONBEE.COMJimmy Carter To Skip Trump InaugurationU.S. — In yet another blow to President-elect Trump, aides have announced that former President Jimmy Carter will also be skipping Trump's inauguration.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/california-announces-mass-deportation-of-us-citizens?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMCalifornia Announces Mass Deportation Of U.S. CitizensSACRAMENTO, CA — In an effort to crack down on the invasive influence of American culture, the state of California announced that come January, it will commence mass deportation of U.S. citizens.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/uh-oh-all-the-animals-from-the-live-nativity-in-springfield-ohio-just-went-missingBABYLONBEE.COMUh-Oh: All The Animals From The Live Nativity In Springfield, Ohio Just Went MissingSPRINGFIELD, OH — In an unfortunate development discovered last night, all of the animals from the live nativity scene in Springfield, Ohio have suddenly gone missing.
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