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- https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-online-store-clearance-sale-presidential-medals-of-freedom-for-999?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMBiden Online Store Clearance Sale Now Offering Presidential Medals Of Freedom For $9.99WASHINGTON, D.C. — With only two weeks left before handing the reins of power over to the new administration, President Joe Biden's online store announced a special clearance sale that included Presidential Medals of Freedom for just $9.99.
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- https://babylonbee.com/news/guy-who-said-facebook-was-not-suppressing-free-speech-announces-facebook-will-stop-suppressing-free-speechBABYLONBEE.COMGuy Who Said Facebook Was Not Suppressing Free Speech Announces Facebook Will Stop Suppressing Free SpeechPALO ALTO, CA — Social media users rejoiced today as in an initiative to fight back against censorship, the guy who said Facebook was not suppressing free speech announced that Facebook would stop suppressing free speech.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-issues-imminent-terrorist-threat-warning-due-to-the-eleven-terrorists-he-just-released-from-prisonBABYLONBEE.COMBiden Issues Imminent Terrorist Threat Warning Due To The 11 Terrorists He Just Released From PrisonWASHINGTON, D.C. — In a rare televised address from the Oval Office, President Biden warned the American public of an imminent terrorist threat as a result of his releasing eleven terrorists from prison.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/tesla-cybertruck-voted-worst-vehicle-by-national-association-of-terrorist-car-bombersBABYLONBEE.COMTesla Cybertruck Voted 'Worst Vehicle' By National Association Of Terrorist Car BombersU.S. — Following its poor performance in the attack outside the Trump Hotel in Las Vegas this week, the Tesla Cybertruck was unanimously voted Worst Vehicle by members of the National Association of Terrorist Car Bombers.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/fbi-turns-itself-in-for-jan-6-pipe-bomb-to-collect-500000-reward-from-fbi?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMFBI Turns Itself In For Planting Jan 6 Pipe Bomb To Collect $500,000 Reward From FBIWASHINGTON, D.C. — A Federal Bureau of Investigation spokesperson announced Friday that the bureau had turned itself in for the planting of pipe bomb explosives outside the U.S. Capitol Building on January 6 and collected the $500,000 reward from itself.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/fbi-baffled-terrorist-attack-occurred-as-they-imprisoned-all-jan-6-attendees?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMFBI Baffled Terrorist Attack Occurred As They Imprisoned All Jan 6 AttendeesU.S. — As the investigations continued into the deadly events of the new year, FBI agents were reportedly baffled that terrorist attacks could even occur as they had already imprisoned all of the January 6 attendees.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/white-house-insists-jimmy-carter-is-still-sharp-and-focused-behind-closed-doorsBABYLONBEE.COMWhite House Insists Jimmy Carter Is Still Sharp And Focused Behind Closed DoorsWASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite swirling rumors that his demise has negatively affected his cognitive abilities, White House officials insisted today that former President Jimmy Carter is still sharp and focused behind closed doors.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/the-babylon-bees-predictions-for-2025
- https://babylonbee.com/news/jimmy-carter-to-skip-trump-inaugurationBABYLONBEE.COMJimmy Carter To Skip Trump InaugurationU.S. — In yet another blow to President-elect Trump, aides have announced that former President Jimmy Carter will also be skipping Trump's inauguration.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/california-announces-mass-deportation-of-us-citizens?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMCalifornia Announces Mass Deportation Of U.S. CitizensSACRAMENTO, CA — In an effort to crack down on the invasive influence of American culture, the state of California announced that come January, it will commence mass deportation of U.S. citizens.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/uh-oh-all-the-animals-from-the-live-nativity-in-springfield-ohio-just-went-missingBABYLONBEE.COMUh-Oh: All The Animals From The Live Nativity In Springfield, Ohio Just Went MissingSPRINGFIELD, OH — In an unfortunate development discovered last night, all of the animals from the live nativity scene in Springfield, Ohio have suddenly gone missing.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/california-announces-mass-deportation-of-us-citizens?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMCalifornia Announces Mass Deportation Of U.S. CitizensSACRAMENTO, CA — In an effort to crack down on the invasive influence of American culture, the state of California announced that come January, it will commence mass deportation of U.S. citizens.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/california-announces-mass-deportation-of-us-citizensBABYLONBEE.COMCalifornia Announces Mass Deportation Of U.S. CitizensSACRAMENTO, CA — In an effort to crack down on the invasive influence of American culture, the state of California announced that come January, it will commence mass deportation of U.S. citizens.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/newsom-assures-californians-they-will-be-safe-from-all-the-trump-administrations-prosperity-safety-lower-prices?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMNewsom Assures Californians They Will Be Safe From All The Trump Administration's Prosperity, Safety, Lower PricesSACRAMENTO, CA — In a statement intended to assuage the fears of Democratic voters throughout the state, Governor Gavin Newsom assured Californians that they would be kept safe from all of the Trump administration's prosperity, safety, and lower prices.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/tragic-celebrities-flee-to-canada-only-for-trump-to-annex-it?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMTragic: Celebrities Flee To Canada Only For Trump To Annex ItCANADA — The celebrities who fled the U.S. in horror following Trump's presidential victory are finding themselves right back where they started: under the tyrannical iron fist of Trump's authoritarian will. Trump's surprise announcement to annex Canada has sent ripples through the persecuted celebrity community.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/newsom-says-with-another-25-billion-he-could-double-homelessness-by-2030?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMNewsom Says With Another $25 Billion He Could Double Homelessness By 2030SACRAMENTO — California Governor Gavin Newsom has reportedly called for a state budget increase, promising that with just another $25 billion, he can double the homeless population by 2030.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/fbi-assures-nation-drones-just-us-government-spying-on-its-own-citizens?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMFBI Assures Nation Drones Just U.S. Government Spying On Its Own CitizensU.S. — FBI Director Christopher Wray sought to reassure Americans that the drones being spotted over New Jersey were simply from the United States government spying on its own citizens.
- Read plushttps://babylonbee.com/news/mcdonalds-presents-employee-who-caught-shooter-with-coupon-good-for-1-free-large-drink-with-purchase-of-a-food-itemBABYLONBEE.COMMcDonald's Presents Employee Who Caught Shooter With Coupon Good For 1 Free Large Drink With Purchase Of A Food ItemALTOONA, PA — The McDonald's employee credited with identifying Luigi Mangione, a suspect in the murder of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson, was honored on Friday with a small ceremony in which he was presented with a coupon good for one free large drink with the purchase of any food item.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/nancy-pelosi-hospitalized-with-dangerously-low-blood-alcohol-levelBABYLONBEE.COMNancy Pelosi Hospitalized With Dangerously Low Blood Alcohol LevelLUXEMBOURG — According to eyewitnesses at the Grand Duke's palace, Nancy Pelosi was rushed to the hospital earlier today after her blood alcohol level plunged dangerously.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/mysterious-user-orangeman47-snatches-up-all-border-wall-materials-in-online-auctionBABYLONBEE.COMMysterious User 'OrangeMan47' Snatches Up All Border Wall Materials In Online AuctionU.S. — Just days after news leaked that President Joe Biden was quietly selling unused border wall construction materials via online auction, presumably as a gesture of defiance against incoming President Donald Trump, a mysterious user named "OrangeMan47" swooped in to purchase every listing.
- https://babylonbee.com/news/unclear-if-angry-looking-bald-person-a-neo-nazi-or-liberal-woman?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=emailBABYLONBEE.COMUnclear If Angry-Looking Bald Person A Neo-Nazi Or Leftist WomanSPRINGFIELD, IL — Despite extensive investigation, experts disclosed they were unable to determine if the angry-looking bald person you saw today was a neo-nazi or simply a progressive feminist woman.
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